Doulas support partners too.

Let me tell you a story about the first birth I attended as a doula...

I was pumped up, fresh out of training and eager to pull all of my "doula tricks" out of my bag to show this family that I was the best doula for them.

It was a challenging birth. The baby had been diagnosed with a heart condition and it was pre-determined that she would need to be born in surgery, just in case. Mom was induced for ruptured membranes and she was dead set against an epidural. I consider this birth to be my doula baptism by fire.

It was absolutely AMAZING!!! My intuition kicked into high gear, I was doing all the things, supporting this Mama as she rocked her birth and welcomed her baby into this world. It was also a confirmation that this work was my calling, my chosen path. I was high for days from the oxytocin in that room.

Fast forward to her next pregnancy. We are now in the thick of Covid and only one support person is allowed into the hospital...

After much deliberations, it was decided that I would be the person to accompany her.

How flattering right?! Her partner felt so confident in my skills that he was willing to give his place over to me. I was honored and Mama and I did our thing all over again as she welcomed her second baby into the world.

Looking back on this now. I have some mixed feelings.

As a rule, I try not to worry myself too much over "could ofs" and "should ofs", but I do allow for introspection after every birth.

Imagine if I had worked a different angle. If I had included the partner more the first time around. If I had offered him the education and empowerment to be his wife's best intimate advocate and encouraged him rather than have taken up so much space, maybe he would have felt confident to step into his role in a different capacity.

I love this family with all of my heart, and we share a beautiful friendship through these birth stories. I do not regret the choices that were made, but they have made me change the way that I support partners. At the end of the day, they deserve just as much support so that they can also feel empowered by their birth stories and walk confidently into parenthood.