What is a postpartum plan and why is it so important to have one?
When I was expecting my first child, I spent countless hours preparing for his birth. I read the books, bought the things, attended the classes and felt SO READY to welcome my baby into the world… until he actually showed up. Once the exhilaration from the birth had worn off, and my first visitors had gone home, I had never felt so lost and alone. I felt as though I was the first mother in the world.
What’s crazy is that I am one of the lucky ones, I have a huge loving family, and I had friends who were willing to help me, but what I didn’t have was a plan. I didn’t know what I needed, let alone how to ask for what I needed. I navigated early motherhood in a fog, and graciously accepted more onesies and baby blankets than anyone could ever need, foods I didn’t like that I shamefully watched rot in the fridge, and hosted visitors when all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.
The passing years have been my greatest teachers, and as a birth doula, I work on postpartum plans with all of my expectant families. A little planning can go a long way, and here is a little idea of how you can start putting one together for yourself!
Firstly, take a look at your life right now, and be realistic about how your life is about to change. If you are not the type of person who is excited about cooking now, you most probably won’t magically turn into Betty Crocker after you have your baby. If your laundry pile is a constant staple in the corner of your bedroom, mentally double that pile. Are you a serious introvert who gets overwhelmed by visitors or a total extrovert who craves social interactions? Are you taking a complete parental leave from work or are you an entrepreneur who will be needing to fit some work in while caring for a baby? Do you have a partner who is present or family and friends who are willing and able to help you?
The first step in being able to anticipate your needs is to be honest with yourself about where you are now, so that you can identify the areas in your life where you will want to ask for support. The key is to do this BEFORE you feel overwhelmed. When we are overwhelmed or tired, it can be difficult to know what we want or need. It’s a good idea to write a list of people and services that you can count on for support when you’ll need it.
Chances are, people around you truly want to help and they don’t really know how. You might hear such blanket statements as “Let me know if you need anything!” or “I’m here if you need me!”. These are great sentiments, and often sincere, so use this opportunity to take people up on their offer, and BE SPECIFIC! I cannot stress this point enough. This is when you will want to refer back to that list that you made earlier. Here are some examples:
“I’d love it if you could drop off one of your famous lasagnas, it’s my favorite!”
“Could you pass by monday from 10-12 to watch the baby, I could really use a nap after the weekend”
“Could you help me fold these clothes while I take a bath?”
“Could you pick these things up for me at the grocery store on your way over to visit?”
You might also want to start a “postpartum fund” that family and friends can pitch into if they offer to help but live far away or are unable to help you in a physical way. You can use this fund towards a cleaning service, a meal delivery, or to hire a postpartum doula who can support you while you adapt to your new life as a parent.
It’s true that it takes a village to raise a child, and it also takes a village to take care of a new parent. There is value in being the leader of your village, in knowing your situation, anticipating your needs and being specific with your loved ones on how they can support you in a genuine way. The postpartum period is a sacred one, and with some planning, it can be as restful and restorative as it should be.
Want some help coming up with a solid postpartum plan? Get in touch to book a consultation and let’s explore your situation to come up with creative solutions together.